Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about satisfaction and joy. Or, more precisely, the difference between satisfaction and joy.
Every few months, I clean out my fridge. I wait for a day when there’s not a lot of groceries in it and then I set to work- taking out everything, washing the veggie drawers in bleach and water, removing the shelves, scrubbing the bins inside the door. I toss anything expired or moldy. It feels good.
Practicing “pressure control” in Procreate by trying to draw thin and thick lines with the same digital brush.
This is satisfaction. The sense of accomplishment that comes from completing a task.
But it is not the same as joy. It is not as though I love the process of cleaning out the fridge. Instead, I love the outcome. Joy is not something I seek from cleaning a fridge. Joy is, however, what I want to feel when I do creative work.
Satisfaction feels good. It’s a good feeling and I get it all the time on the blog. Every time I post something new, I feel a little jolt of satisfaction. I think it’s really easy to mistake satisfaction for joy.
I’d been feeling very stagnant about the blog. Stagnant about my art. And generally frustrated. I liked how I felt when I finished something (satisfaction!), but I hadn’t lately been wanting to start anything new or finish much of anything I’ve started. The number of semi-penciled things in my sketchbooks is a testament to that. I kept telling myself I would feel joy if I just “did the work”, but somehow doing the work wasn’t fun and certainly not joyful.
But because satisfaction feels close enough to joy to pass for it in sufficiently dim-light, I sort of fed on that and kept telling myself that it was enough.
But, after the paper doll party, a few long talks with other artists, and a bit of self reflection (and some whiny draft posts that would make an angst-filled 13 year-old Rachel wince), I’ve decided I need to see how I would feel if there was no pressure on me to create anything. Like what if I was back where I was when this whole blog started (metaphorically speaking, I have no desire to be 23 again) and just did art because I felt like doing it.
And gave myself space to play. That was what Procreate has given me this last six weeks I’ve been learning the program- space to play.
It had been so long that I’d forgotten how it felt to just enjoy making things. Joy instead of satisfaction.
So, that’s my new goal. Just make stuff I feel like making for a little while. Experience some creative joy.
I’m sure in a few a weeks, months, something I’ll need to move again towards satisfaction. I need both, but right now, I’m going to be hanging out in playful land.
And that means, things might be a little erratic and strange around here while I sort out how/what I feel like exploring next.
As always, I’m happy for anyone who wants to hang out along the way. Leave a comment if you see something you like. And later this week, I’ll be sharing a new paper doll that was another experiment- this one with color and texture.
So, like what does it say when you share a piece with another artist and they immediately send you a tutorial and are like… you might want to watch this?
Personally, I think it says you have great friends who want you to improve and know you want to improve.
This is what happened when I emailed Julie Matthews all excited by my second finished digitally drawn paper doll where I proudly said I’d “varied my line-weight”. Julie nicely called my line weight variations “subtle” which I think is polite for “you can’t tell you did that, friend” and sent me this lesson from Proko on Line Weight which was really helpful.
Moral of this story, which I sort of told in this week’s email newsletter: If you want to get better at something, you need to have honest people who can give you informed feedback. So, become friends with people who are better than you at something and are kind enough to be willing to be honest with their observations. Be open to those things and improving your craft (whatever that is), becomes so much easier.
I am incredibly lucky to have Julie to help and her feedback consistently makes my work better.
I often think of this Neil Gaiman quote, “Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.” He was talking about writing, but the same thing applies to any creative piece of work. In art, there are “correct” things- like ‘hey, that foot is backwards,’ but once you get into choices that are purely aesthetic, then you need to listen to your own voice and your own taste. Make the art you want to see in the world. Not the art someone else wants to see in the world.
But as long as I am quoting Gaiman, I also think of this one a lot- “Remember that, sooner or later, before it ever reaches perfection, you will have to let it go and move on and start to write the next thing. Perfection is like chasing the horizon. Keep moving.” He’s talking about writing, clearly, but it is true of anything creative. You can endless edit. You can endlessly tweak.
I look at this paper doll and I see a dozen things I might “fix.”
That’s okay. Because there’s going to be a next time. So, the best thing I do can is share it here. Declare it done and make the next one.
There’s always a next one. Especially when you are, like me right now, learning new tools. You have to leave space for letting go and moving forward.
I am posting this announcement here and on Patreon to try to get as many eyes on it as I can. All charges are paused until June 28th or I decide the future of Patreon.Â
So, I thought it might be fun to type up my notes from the Philadelphia Paper Doll Party and add a few photos. I’ve never been to a paper doll event before, so I was more than a little excited, but also nervous to go. I also failed to take photos of a lot of things in the rush of it all, so forgive me. Still if anyone is thinking of attending one of these events, maybe this will be a little inspiration.
The Philadelphia Paper Doll party was organized by Valerie Keller and Linda Ocasio. Having been on academic conference planning committees, I can imagine the complexity of organizing such an event. So much more work than it looks. They did a stellar job. Joining the Facebook group for the event was super helpful, as it helped me plan and gave me a sense of what might happen.
Since I missed the 2022 annual convention, I told myself I would go to the Philadelphia Party even though it meant flying from Alaska. Because of other obligations, I couldn’t take much time off, but I managed to carve a few days to head across country.
Tuesday & Wednesday – Packing & Travel!
Waiting to get on a plane.
Because I live in, well, Alaska, it takes all day to fly to Philadelphia (you lose 4 hours crossing the continent). I left at 1am Wednesday morning (most annoying thing about where I live is the airlines seem to love a red-eye). On the upside, the sun doesn’t set until nearly midnight. On the downside, in summer there is no fun surprise aurora viewing.
I was selling prints for the first time ever, so I packed up my prints, some business cards, some black and white giveaway prints from the blog, a few display items I scrounged from friends who do craft shows and myself. Plus, a few changes of clothing. Costumes for the evening reception were optional, but I couldn’t imagine dressing up and meeting people I barely knew.
Travel was uneventful until the very end, when I found out the hotel shuttle wasn’t running until 5am. Since I had no desire to wait at the airport until 5am, I called Julie who kindly came and rescued me. We stayed up way too late catching up. It felt a little like a childhood slumber party.
I slept like a rock when I finally did. Staying up too late would be the theme of the event.
Thursday- Hanging out in Philly
The Philadelphia Museum of Art.
We walked around, grabbed a quick sandwich in the cafe and then returned to the hotel for an impromptu Procreate lesson. She showed me how to do a few things I didn’t know how to do and we talked shop. I loved getting to see her procreate files in the flesh. We discussed how to make taps more effectively (vector shapes!) and talked about working from physical to digital and back again (photos).
We both agreed that digital tools could be helpful, but that you still have to learn to draw and practice drawing. She encouraged me to be more willing to use some of the Procreate tools to help make my work easier like texture brushes for drawing lace.
I was swept up by the very friendly paper doll early arrivals that afternoon and we all went to dinner. I promptly forgot everyone’s name and was too embarrassed to ask over and over again.
Friday & Saturday- The Paper Doll Party
Vivian on display at the Show & Share.My sales table with all my prints on display.
The next morning at breakfast Julie introduced me to many very nice people. It was so nice to put real people to various email addresses like Jenny Taliadoros, Melissa Pepe, and Valerie Keller. I’m sure I’m forgetting a bunch of names.
In the afternoon, I got my badge (with a very cute alien) and brought out Vivian for the Show and Share. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get up and talk about Vivian, but I got called out for keeping my mouth-shut. So, I stood up and explained how she was my childhood paper doll with the most clothing, I had made an index of her outfits, etc. One of the really amazing pieces on display was from Bruce Patrick Jones, a family history work all done in blue tones. It was beautiful. I didn’t remember to take a photo (opps) and so I can’t share. But if you’ve never seen Bruce Patrick Jones‘ paper dolls, go look at this Josephine Baker one. His work is great.
After that, there was a presentation about collage paper dolls and a really moving story about David Wolfe from Sharry O’Hare, along with an amazing custom made coat. I never knew David, but it was clear, he will be very missed. After that, I grabbed some dinner and went to the opening reception where, fortunately, I was not the only person not in costume.
The next day, there was a sales room from 9am until 4pm, with a lunch break. I set up at 8am, settled in with my change and my paper doll prints, plus my book. People were so kind. Several told me about how they already had my book (yay!). I wasn’t sure what would sell, so this was mostly an experiment in seeing what interested people. In person sales are very different from online sales, I rapidly learned. Emi Lotto kindly gave me one of her original paper dolls. I also ended up with a lovely set by Peggy Jo Rosamond (one of my favorite artists) and two Alaska themed things to add to my growing Alaskan themed paper doll collection.
There was a Dress-A-Doll with voting for the best dress (Julie Matthews’ dress won) and raffles. I won the souvenirs from the 2016 convention in the raffle. There was also a silent auction, but I didn’t really know what I would have done with any of the beautiful original art. I didn’t send anything in for the Dress-a-Doll, since I wasn’t 100% sure how the process even worked. However, seeing it in the flesh, I think I understand it better now. Maybe next time!
Even though the day “ended” at 4pm, I stayed up way too late chatting with folks. I got a few drawing book recommendations, rambled about my love of fashion plates, and learned about different artist’s processes. It was really fun. Everyone was just amazingly friendly and welcoming. I feel like I keep saying that, but it was true.
Sunday May 25, 2023- Homeward Bound
All packed up to head home.
On my last day, I had a leisurely breakfast and headed to the airport.
I rode the shuttle with Renaldo Barnette. We chatted about drawing with ballpoint pens, working with University students, a shared apathy towards Marcel Proust, and stories about gouache paint.
It was a long flight home and I drafted most of this post while sitting in the Seattle Airport, so at least I got something done.
Landed in Alaska at nearly midnight, a friend picked me up and took me home, then I fell asleep almost instantly.
The best parts of the event were meeting people whose art and work I’ve admired for a long time and getting to spend time with people who share my love of paper dolls. Brenda Sneathen Mattox’s paper dolls were super influential on me as a child. Bruce Patrick Jones, Eileen Rudisill Miller, Kwei-Lin Lum, and Renaldo Barnette are all so talented. Living in Alaska meant I never thought I would get to be in the same room as these amazing artists or be able to ask them questions. So, needless to say, it was well worth the long trip.
I’m sure I’ve forgotten or left out people, because it really was a blur. I am so happy I went and I would happily go again.
I’m going to keep this brief, since I wrote a lot of this up in the newsletter already (subscribe here) and I just don’t know if I want to repeat myself (or if anyone wants to read me repeating myself).
One of the weird/interesting things about creating the newsletter has been grappling with the transient/permanent nature of it. I’ve always thought of this blog as both an archive of my work and as a place where if I make a typo and notice three months later (which has 100% happened), I can fix it. However, the newsletters don’t work that way. Once they are sent, they are done.
And while there is an archive, they don’t feel as permanent as a series of blog posts.
Since the whole newsletter thing is an experiment to begin with, I am still trying to grapple with how I feel about all that.
Anyway, let’s talk paper dolls. So, her underwear is a generic set of short stays over a shift with stockings a shoes. My goal here wasn’t to reproduce anything specific, but to get to the basic idea of “generic underwear of this era” rather than getting into specifics. Her hair is a combination of portraits like this one and this one. I wanted a hairstyle that could easily be covered in bonnets or hats, which I knew I was going to be drawing with nearly every dress.
To start with the morning dress is from this November 1813 plate from La Belle Assemblee which, despite a very French sounding name, was published in London and aimed at the fashionable set. People thought all things French were more sophisitcated than all things English. Interestingly, a lot of places will credit La Belle Assemblee fashioj plates to France on the name alone. While many of the plates in the magazine are copies of French fashion plates, the publication was definitely English.
The morning walking dress is really just a gown with a pelisse over it. The pelisse and bonnet were inspired by this September 1813 plate from La Belle Assemblee, again. A pelisse was a coat that was cut the same style as the dress. They came in all different styles like this one or this one. Some were made from very lightweight fabrics, but others were warm and designed as coats. Sometimes it’s hard to tell from an illustration if you’re looking at a pelisse or a gown or something in between.
The first gown on the second page (working left to right, top to bottom) is a ballgown. Ballgowns were the most formal gowns women wore with the exception of court dress and court dress has never been a big interest of mine. Court dress was governed by all sort of rules and regulations- a realm I have never wanted to dive into. The ball gown is based on this one from the Museum at FIT. The turban is from this 1815 fashion plate. Turbans were super popular in the 1810s.
The dress with the spencer is basically a walking costume. The Spencer was a jacket version of the pelisse. Both were cut to follow the lines of the dress. Spencers come in all different styles. A few that inspired this one include this 1815 yellow silk version and this March 1812 version from Ladies’ Magazine.
The Ladies’ Magazine was published in London starting in August of 1770. If I am remembering my fashion history correctly, it was the first magazine to publish a fashion plate, though the idea was quickly copied by French and German publications. My understanding is that Ladies’ Magazine was less expensive than some of the other fashion magazines of the era and the quality of the fashion plates shows this difference. Still, it’s a pretty amazing document. I have digressed a lot from our paper doll, so let’s finish up with the dinner dress.
And that’s it! More, I am certain, than you wanted to know about Regency fashion and inspiration for this regency paper doll set. Tomorrow, I’ll share Vivian’s steampunk traveling suit for my Patrons.
As some of you may already know (because I have sort of been screaming it from the roof tops), I have paper doll book out from Paper Doll Review and I couldn’t be more pleased with the results. The book is beautiful! It’s three dolls and over 60 clothing pieces from the years 1920 to 1929. There’s hats. There’s shoes. There’s dresses, coats, and knickerbockers for sports. The whole range of ladies dress.
But the project wasn’t just my hard work- Julie Allen Matthews did an incredible job coloring my linework. She has a post about it here. Julie has colored my paper dolls before (like these ones), so I had complete faith that she would do an amazing job. More than anything, I wanted to give her freedom to do whatever inspired her with the colors and the designs, so the results were a surprise to me.
A very. nice happy surprise.
To roll back time for a minute, the whole thing didn’t start as a project for Paper Doll Review. It began as a planned self-published book during the early part of the pandemic, but I got discouraged as things happened in the real world that got in the way and prices from Lulu Press went way up. I just couldn’t justify the prices from Lulu given the quality of the printing. So when Jenny expressed interest I was happy to hand over the linework and see what would happen. Paper Doll Review‘s books are always so nicely done.
In today’s post I want to more than gush about how much I love the book (I do love it very much), but rather show some of the original sources that led to the dresses that are included.
Some of the dresses from the paper doll book with their sources.
One of the exciting things in the last few years is that the date for things that are out of copyright has moved forward annually from 1923 to 1927, which allows for a lot more of 1920s magazines to be found online.
If you’re looking for your own sources, consider the Delineator, Harper’s Bazaar, McCall’s,Good Housekeeping, Vogue or Woman’s home companion. Plus, sources like the Vintage Pattern Wiki are also great places to find images of pattern covers. I wish I could find a complete Sears catalogs from this era, but they are hard to track down online. There are some of the Sears Catalogs here, plus I have a lot of books from Dover that reprint 1920s materials. There’s a few listed in the book, if you want to know more sources and information on 1920s fashion.
Needless to say, I didn’t use all these sources and now that I’ve found them, there’s probably another 1920s paper doll in my future (once I get done with the 1910s thing I am working on.)
I discovered my interest in historical costume from paper doll books. So, if I am going to do a historical paper doll, I want it to offer some learning along with paper doll fun.
So, if you haven’t picked up a copy, grab one from Paper Doll Review or wait until the Philadelphia Paper Doll Party in late May, as I will be there and have a few to sell as well along with some other paper doll prints (more about those later.)
Well, when I decided to shift to this newsletter and monthly update schedule, I did not consider the downsides. The biggest one being that it’s much harder for me to step away as might be needed from time to time. I need to think on that, but I am enjoying the newsletter most of the time.
This month has just been very busy with non-paper doll related tasks. The statewide library conference was in-person for the first time in years, so I went to that. And I have two more library related conferences I’m attending this year. Plus, I’ve been working on a side project that isn’t quite ready for prime time (soon it will be and I couldn’t be more excited). And I’ve been prepping things to become prints for the paper doll party in May. Any leftovers from the party, I plan to offer for sale on Etsy, so maybe that’ll be an interesting change of pace.
Anyway, about this paper doll set- I admit that I started on these paper dolls largely, because I wanted to work with an old Marisole Monday set- Fabulous Fairy that I’ve always had a fondness for. Originally, I had planned on drawing wings, but actually ended up running out of paper in a sketchbook and not having a back up one. Opps. I really didn’t want to deal with paper I didn’t like. So, needless to say, the wings never happened.
Influences were largely flowers and the fact that I like gardens. I’m not much of a gardener, though I keep thinking I should take it up. I rent, so I don’t really know if tearing up the yard would be okay. I do keep herbs on my porch when spring comes and I like flowers. Flowers are pretty, useful to insects, and smell nice. It’s hard to be opposed to them, really. Plus, you can eat some of them.
The other big influence over this drawing fantasy hair which I don’t get to do nearly as much as I’d like. I love complicated hairstyles. You can check out some of my influences on my fantasy section of my Hair pinterest board.
If you’re a patron, there will be a Vivian gown sometime next week (exact date depending on how life shapes up) and we’ll continue on from there.
